


Not Ready To Back Down (Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should do)

by waterofthemoon



Series: Forever Enough [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Jossed, Kid Fic, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-27
Updated: 2007-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-09 01:30:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/81525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterofthemoon/pseuds/waterofthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys and April have to face the harsher side of reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Ready To Back Down (Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should do)

**Author's Note:**

> Cowritten with [**unperfectwolf**](http://unperfectwolf.livejournal.com/profile), who lacks an AO3 account!
> 
> And the after school specials strike again! Warnings for schmoop and stuff and yeah. Huge thanks to [**wendy**](http://wendy.livejournal.com/profile) for the beta.

> _With no regrets and I don't mind saying,  
> It's a sad, sad story_
> 
> That a mother will teach her daughter  
> That she ought to hate a perfect stranger  
> —Dixie Chicks, "Not Ready To Make Nice"

When Jensen picks April up from preschool one day, she's crying and won't tell him why. He asks the teacher what happened, but even she's unclear on the situation. They'd been drawing pictures of their families, and April had been cheerfully talking to the other kids. All of a sudden, she'd burst out in tears and refused to draw any more, and _oh_. Jensen thinks he gets it. He thanks the teacher and walks April out to the car, automatically handing her a tissue when she starts trying to wipe her nose on his sleeve.

He buckles her in the backseat and goes around to the driver's side. April's tears have subsided some, so he figures it's safe to try again to get the story out of her. "You wanna tell me what happened at school today, April?" he asks, looking back at her in the rearview mirror.

"Katie—Katie—" she tries to tell him, choking, and Jensen's hands curl into fists. He doesn't say anything, though, just turns around in the seat and looks at her until she calms down a little. "She told me that I cou-cou-couldn't have a Dad and a Daddy."

Jensen feels something in his chest tightening at the sight of his baby girl crying. Her face is streaked with tears, and she still has snot on her face, despite the tissue he gave her.

"Baby, I—" he doesn't know where to go. He and Jared had talked about this, the things she might have to face, but they'd hoped it would be a little longer before they had to explain to her. "Baby, let's go home and call Dad and we'll talk about this, okay?"

April's eyes are still pools of tears, but she nods. "But Katie's wrong, right? You're my Daddy, and Dad's my Dad, right?"

"Oh, baby girl," Jensen sighs, reaching back and running his thumb across her cheek. "Of course we are, April Marie. You'll always be our girl."

When they get home, Jensen leaves a message on Jared's voicemail explaining the situation and then sets April up at the kitchen table with crackers and juice. Jared's working that day, a supporting role in a new movie, so Jensen's surprised to see him pull up in the parking lot half an hour later. Even from the window, he looks furious, and Jensen meets him outside.

Jared goes off the second he spots Jensen. "Dammit, Jen! I _told_ you, I _knew_ I had a bad feeling about that school and those other parents, and—"

Jensen cuts him off, his voice low and soothing. "Easy, Jare." He can see how scared Jared is, how worried he is for their daughter and for them. He knows how defensive Jared can be when he thinks those he loves are being threatened, and right now is definitely one of those times. "It's not the school's fault, and you know that as well as I do. She'd get this kind of crap anywhere."

Jared sulks against the back of his SUV. "Still don't make it right. You'd think the teacher coulda said something."

"She didn't know," Jensen says patiently. He takes Jared's hand and strokes along his wrist. "Are you going to come inside now and help me explain our sick alternative lifestyle to our daughter?"

Jared sighs, and Jensen knows that he's calmed down enough to go inside. He feels Jared's hand in the small of his back as they move toward the building, just enough pressure to let Jensen know he's there. It's something Jared's been doing almost as long as they've known each other, and Jensen's grateful for the support.

When they get back up to the apartment and come into the kitchen, April looks up from the picture she's scribbling, her eyes lighting up when she sees Jared. "Dad!" she all but screams, launching herself out of her chair and at Jared.

Jared catches her, picking her up and holding her close. She wraps her arms around his neck, and Jensen's insides clench up at the thought of anyone telling him he can't have this, that he can't have his _family_. He doesn't know what he'd do without either of them, can't put into words how much it would destroy him to see either of them hurt.

Jared looks at him over her head, eyes full of pain for their little girl and Jensen moves over so he can wrap his arms around them both.

April starts squirming between them, and they pull apart to let her go. She sits back down at the kitchen table, swinging her legs from her booster seat. Jensen looks at her and then back at Jared before nodding, resigned. As much as neither of them wants to have this talk, it's better that they get it over with before there's another incident or worse.

They join April at the table, one on either side of her, and Jared clears his throat. "April, we need to talk with you about what happened with Katie today, okay?" he says gently. Jensen can tell by his even, measured tones that Jared's still angry, and it makes him glad to know that Jared wants to fight for this just as much as he does.

"Okay," she says, her eyes wide and innocent. "Is Katie gonna be in trouble? 'Cause I don't want her to get in trouble 'cause of me."

Jensen hugs her. "No one's in trouble, baby. It's just..." He hesitates before continuing, unsure of how to explain irrational hatred to this tiny little girl who's only ever known love. "Your dad and I, we love each other a lot, yeah?"

April giggles. "Yeah. You're always touching and kissing each other and stuff." She makes a face, and Jensen fights back a laugh.

He meets Jared's eyes above her head, then looks back down at April. "Okay," he says. "Baby, not everyone thinks it's okay for us to love each other." Jensen doesn't know how to explain homophobia to a four-year-old. Despite having talked about this, it still isn't any easier now that they actually have to do it.

"Right. And those same people think it's wrong for us to be your parents because we're two men and not a man and a woman," Jared says. "It doesn't make sense, but... there it is."

April scrunches her nose up, tipping her head back to look up at them. "But why?"

Jensen tightens his arm around her at that, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead. "They have lots of reasons, baby. Mostly, they just tell us it's wrong, but some of them like to tell us why."

"Or show us how much they think it's wrong," Jared mutters darkly. April doesn't seem to hear him, and if she does, she ignores him.

Jensen reaches around April, touching Jared's shoulder gently. Jared glances up and meets his eyes and nods, then looks back down at April. "Baby, you can't listen to them. You gotta ignore them, because they're wrong. You're ours, no matter what they say, and no one can take you away from us."

April nods slowly, picking up a crayon and staring at it. Jensen and Jared watch her closely, and after a few moments, she looks back up. "Why don't you just tell them they're wrong?" she asks them, her eyes wide with a hurt innocence that nearly breaks Jensen's heart.

Jared sighs, frustrated. "I wish we could. I wish they would listen to us. Maybe... I don't know, maybe we could change some folks' minds or whatever. We should probably at least go talk to this kid's parents, see what's what."

Jensen looks at him. "Hey. Jared. It wouldn't do any good. You _know_ that," he says softly. "We'd just be sinking to their level."

"Yeah," Jared says. The two of them look back at April, who's watching them. "Don't ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are," he tells her, hugging her fiercely. "Your daddy and I know too well what that's like, and we don't want that for you, not ever, you got it?"

"Okay, Dad," she tells him, smiling up at him brightly before making a few more scribbles on the piece of paper—and a little on the table, Jensen notices with a slight wince. After a moment, she looks up again. "Can I tell Katie she's wrong?"

Jensen sighs and looks at Jared. Jared looks like he wants to tell her yes, but Jensen reaches over and squeezes his shoulder. "Baby, sometimes... sometimes telling people they're wrong makes things worse. I know we tell you to tell people when you don't agree, but baby..." Jensen trails off. He doesn't know how to explain that sometimes it's better to keep quiet, and this is one of those times.

Jared leans down, resting his cheek on April's head. "Sometimes, April, we just have to keep our mouths shut. I know it seems weird, but sometimes people don't want to learn that they're wrong."

April nods. "Okay," she says slowly.

"That's my girl," Jensen says. He runs a hand over her hair and stands up, feeling older than his thirty-eight years. "You wanna take the dogs to the park? They could probably use the exercise."

April's eyes light up. "Okay!" she says. "I'll go find Dora!" She's off, running through the apartment and calling for the puppy. Jared pushes up from the table and steps into Jensen's space, wrapping his arms around him.

Jensen presses his face into Jared's broad chest, resting his hands on Jared's lower back. "I hate that she has to go through this," he mumbles. "Like it hasn't been bad enough for us already. I just think that sometimes—maybe it would've been better for her if—"

Jared pulls him in closer, squeezing tight. "Jen, no. Don't you say that. Don't even think it," he murmurs into Jensen's hair. "April's happy. _We're_ happy. I couldn't live without either of you, and don't even pretend you don't feel the same way. I've seen the way you look at us when you think we ain't looking."

Jensen closes his eyes and leans against Jared, wrapping himself up in the smell and feel of him. He stands there, cradled to his lover's chest, listening to their four-year-old daughter as she rounds up their two old, creaky dogs and their newest addition, a four-month-old heeler mix puppy that had been her fourth birthday present just a month and a half before.

Yeah, he hates having to put her through this. But Jared's right. They're his life.


End file.
